Chapter 1
“Mya, pay attention!”
“I am…” Her breath hissed out as Orin expertly kicked with his bare foot, caught her shoulder, and sent her flying backward onto the black exercise mat.
He came down over her, the side of his hand slicing across her throat. “You’d be dead now if this were real.”
She grinned up at him. “But it isn’t, and you wouldn’t kill me.”
His expression remained serious. “This isn’t funny. I’m trying to make sure you are one hundred percent ready to go on this mission.”
“This was supposed to be fun.” She shoved at his chest, but he didn’t budge a centimeter. “Orin…”
After a second he rolled off her and stalked over to the side of the mat. “I picked up another shift tonight. I need to go shower.”
For a long, stunned moment, Mya remained on her back staring up at the ceiling before following Orin up the stairs to the bathroom in their apartment. Clouds of steam issued out of the shower.
“Hey.”
He was naked and just about to step into the shower.
“You’re going out on my last night home?” She tried to keep her tone light, but she had an absurd desire to cry. He stepped under the water, and she focused on his assured movements as he lathered himself with soap and washed his short black hair.
“Orin...”
She sank down onto the side of the bath as he ignored her. Tentatively, she probed his mind, but his shields were up. It was like scraping her fingernails against a metal door. They’d been mated for ten years. What the frak was happening?
“Please talk to me, Orin.”
He kept his back to her and his mind closed. Wearily, she got up and went to the spare bedroom and showered there. She was quick because she was not going to allow him to leave without talking to her properly. Wrapping the towel around herself, she went back into their bedroom where he was dressing in his city police uniform. She took a deep breath.
“Is there someone else?”
He stopped moving but kept his back to her. “Mya, that’s stupid. We’re mated. I don’t do casual sex.”
“So you’re just tired of me?”
He slowly turned. “I’m tired of this distance between us.”
“You’re the one who put it there, Orin.”
He pulled a thin protective vest over his black T-shirt, his movements jerky and impatient. “Do you really want to do this just before you leave on a mission?”
“Why not?” She raised her chin. “Better than leaving things to fester. Maybe being away will give me a chance to think about what’s wrong and work out how I feel. I don’t want to fight with you.”
“You don’t want to fight about anything. You’re Hakron. You think everything can be sorted out with prayer and goodwill.”
“Even though I chose to join the military, there’s nothing wrong with promoting peace. It has prevented bloodshed in my tribe for hundreds of years.”
He sank down on the side of the bed and stared at his booted feet. “We’ve been mated for a decade.”
She nodded even though he wasn’t looking at her. “And?”
“You won’t talk about changing that. I want to take you to the Temple at Quoxor and find out who our Third is.” He looked up, his blue gaze utterly serious. “I want a child.”
Only mated Triads could conceive children on their planet. And only the Oracle could sanction a bonded Triad—not that Mya was sure that she’d ever be ready for a child.
“But we agreed that we’d wait until both our careers were stable, and this mission is crucial to me proving I’m the obvious choice to take over for Major Esca.” She was almost stuttering in her haste to remind him. “We discussed this. I thought you agreed with me.”
“That was before all this shit went down at work.” His throat worked. “Before Kran died.”
Mya sank down to her knees in front of him. “Losing your partner like that was horrible, Orin.”
“It made me think. What if I go next? I’d be leaving you alone and without even a child to remember me by.” He held up his hand. “And don’t tell me you’d manage—that you’d be fine without me. I know that. You’re a strong woman.”
“You make it sound as if I wouldn’t miss you at all.” Mia’s words stuck in her throat. “I’m your mate. I’d be devastated. You make it sound like I don’t care.”
“I don’t mean that.” He shoved a hand through his now spiky hair. “This is about me, not you. I’ve changed. I know what we said—what we agreed. And I know you’re frightened. All I’m asking you to do is think about it, okay? If you don’t want a child—maybe, just maybe, our Third might?”
She remained kneeling, staring at nothing as her carefully constructed world collapsed around her. If she wouldn’t give him a child he’d get one another way.
Without her.
With a Third.
Yeah, and that always worked out so well…
“I do love you, Mya. In a perfect world, all I’d want is a child with you. You are my heart.” Orin spoke so quietly she almost couldn’t hear him.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She would not fight with him. She would not. “I love you, too. Keep safe tonight. When I get back, I promise we can talk about this some more.”
“That’s—” He paused as relief flooded his even features. “Thank you. Thank you so much. If we did have a child, I’d stay home with it and our Third, I wouldn’t expect you to be at home if you wanted to stay in the military.”
Pushing her out, making her obsolete to his happiness… “You’ve obviously thought about this quite a bit.”
He shrugged. “I had a lot of time when I was stuck in that hospital bed recovering.”
She managed a nod. It was pretty much all she could dredge up at this moment. His wrist com beeped and he cursed.
“Gotta go.”
“Okay,” Mya whispered. “Take care of yourself and come back safely to me.”
“I’ll do my best.” His com beeped again. Ignoring it, he put his hands on her shoulders. “I love you, Mya. Please don’t forget that. I want what’s best for both of us, not just me, I swear it.”
She nodded again as his mind reached for hers, and for a long moment, their thoughts tangled and blended until he eased back.
“Maybe I should call in sick,” he murmured as he cupped her cheek. “I don’t want to leave you. I’m a frakking idiot to have started this right now.”
“I’m good.” She summoned another smile. “Really. I have to leave in less than two hours, so you might as well go and earn that overtime.”
“Are you sure?”
Leaning in, she kissed his firm mouth. “Yes. Go. Be well.”
He reluctantly let her go, his worried blue gaze fixed on hers as he picked up his heavy jacket and backed toward the door. “I love you. Stay safe, you hear?”
“Shouldn’t be a problem. This is just an escort mission.”
“To an Etruscan moon. So be careful.”
“I always am.”
“Which is why you’ll get that promotion.” He blew her a kiss. “Let me know how things are going when you can.”
“Will do.”
She stayed where she was until the door of their apartment slammed behind him. There was no point hanging around feeling sorry for herself. She might as well get to the base and prepare for the mission ahead. Most of her gear was already packed. She just needed to put on her uniform.
She went to get up and couldn’t; her arms wrapped around her waist as tears fell in an endless stream. Gods it hurt. She used her towel to mop up the storm of weeping and tried to talk herself into a better frame of mind. Orin wanted to find their Third and have a child, which was totally natural and understandable.
Both of those things terrified her.
He knew that. At least some of it.
It was her fault for starting the whole damn conversation. She’d practically begged him to tell her what was wrong. Just because she didn’t like his answer didn’t make Orin’s feelings any less valid or important. At least he’d tried to be honest with her.
He did love her. She knew that in her soul.
Usually, getting dressed in her uniform helped her collect her thoughts, but tonight it proved impossible. How could she have misinterpreted Orin’s increasing withdrawal from her so badly? She was his mate, and yet he’d managed to hide the extent of his feelings for months because she was so busy chasing that promotion.
But he knew how important it was to her, which was probably why he’d hidden his issues so well. If she gained the rank of major she’d be the first Hakron female to ever reach that grade in the Pavlovan Special Forces. She studied her pale green reflection in the mirror. But was her ambition worth losing her best friend and lover over?
If she deliberately stepped back and didn’t seek the promotion, would she end up resenting Orin? Could she even carry a baby without losing her mind during the pregnancy? She didn’t know. And the thought of a Third… Shouldering her pack, she headed for the door. All she could do was honor her promise to Orin, think things through while she was away, and come back ready to have another honest discussion. She hadn’t told him how bad things really were in her family because it was still too painful to talk about. Perhaps it was time to trust him with all of it.
She loved him. She’d promised him she’d try.
There was nothing more important than that.
Spice:
